Tag: Hope

(Warning: Explicit) Porn Addiction and God’s Amazing Grace

Many years ago when I was in middle school, I was introduced to pornography and masturbation by a friend I went to school with. I had no idea what the latter word or act was until he asked if I did it. I was also taught in sex education in high school that this act was a good way to get to know myself. I had no idea how enslaving it would become.

My porn and masturbation addiction continued after high school and many years after. I became a believer of God around 2011, but just believing doesn’t mean I was instantly freed from this addiction. I still liked doing it and wanted to have sex (which to this day I have only done once and regret it). I knew each time I did it that it was wrong—but I couldn’t stop, and I repented many times. I kept pleading with God to make it stop, but it just wouldn’t.

Despite this, God has always had His hand heavily on me, keeping me safe. These sinful acts continued until summer 2016 when I returned from Kansas City after a mission trip with my church. I asked one of my church friends who also went on the mission to be my accountability partner. God’s grace was instantaneous!

What do I mean by grace? God wants us to be free from sin and shame. He freely gives His power (His grace) to overcome sin and temptation to those wanting to take sin seriously and make a real change for our lives. I went from having (and succumbing to) temptations and urges once or twice per week to zero of these in three weeks!

While this was a fantastic start, I still had a lot of work to do. Eventually the temptations and urges came back, and I would have slip-ups, as we called them. When they became more and more frequent, I thought, how can I keep myself away from this material when I’m weak on my computer? The answer was a porn blocking app for my iPhone and an explicit material filter for my computer. And what do you know, God empowered me with more of His grace. For many more weeks, I continued without temptation or urges.

As time went on, my slip-ups happened less and less frequently. I was being tapered off. I still have porn filters and blocking apps on my devices, and I still get unclean thoughts here and there, but I am so much stronger in resisting these temptations and urges even in my previously weakest of places. Years ago, I would consider being porn-free for two months impressive.

Now, a year and longer looks doable, but it’s not possible without God’s grace! I am now a firm believer that God helps those who can and do help themselves, and who take their sin and its destructive components seriously.

Is Life Vanity?

I’ve lived in College Station over four and a half years now. From the time I got here, I’ve been attending Breakaway Ministries, a weekly non-denominational Bible study that meets on the campus of Texas A&M. Breakaway brings in about 3,000–5,000 students each week during the fall and spring semesters for worship and study of the Scripture. Opening night each semester brings in on average 10,000–12,000 students. Breakaway also has a large online audience each week.

In spring 2017, we studied the book of Ecclesiastes in the Old Testament. It was likely written by King Solomon, who is considered to be one of the wisest men to ever live. He examines in-depth everything that the common person believes will bring lasting meaning, satisfaction, and fulfillment to our lives… and then flips it on its head!

There are two big truths that I have discovered in my study of this book: 1) God is good, perfect, and infinitely loving. As a specific example, I believe God allowed the Preacher to experience all the challenges of his life so that he could be an example to us. The Preacher’s example would help us steer clear of having to go through the same difficult experiences—or at the very least, that we would recognize the pointlessness of such endeavors.

The fact that God not only guided him through his travails, but also inspired him to become a preacher on our behalf, confirms to me just how loving and all-knowing He is.

2) This book has a hidden blessing: To show the reader what the wants and desires of this world bring us, and where they lead us in the end.

A perfect metaphor that illustrates where the desire for worldly things will lead us is the Dead Sea, which borders Israel, the West Bank, and Jordan. Just as there are no natural outlets there, the blind pursuit of worldly things leads to a dead end where there is no free and healthy circulation of life. This is what happens when we live primarily to consume the things of this world and never give back.

This book could also be appropriately titled “Vanity” since the word is mentioned thirty-eight times. So, there must be some part of life that is utter vanity—but what?

In complete honesty, I was about to write out every instance where a vain feat had been set out, but I thought twice about it. So what I will do is give you a brief summary of the theme of each feat. Each vain task was rooted in selfishness or want in one form or another, and the author expounded on everything one could conceive of to an exponential degree.

What’s even more fascinating about Ecclesiastes is the author’s conclusion in chapter 12, verses 13 through 14:

13 Now all has been heard;
here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep His commandments,
for this is the duty of all mankind.
14 For God will bring every deed into judgment,
including every hidden thing,
whether it is good or evil.

So back to the title question, is life vanity? If you only live for yourself and the pleasures of this world, yes. If you love and serve the Lord and your fellow neighbor, give to the poor, live for His coming Kingdom, and obey His commandments… then the answer is unequivocally, no!

Scripture, NDEs, and Christian Apologetics

Whether I’m working, in class, or doing other activities, my mind is constantly at work. In this blog, we’ll explore life lessons from Biblical stories, the coherence of Christianity and why it’s crucial to society and mankind’s salvation, and God’s Kingdom in NDEs.

This is my first post. Whether I’m working, in class, or doing other activities, my mind is constantly at work—hence my blog title. Before I started really getting into online Bible studies, Christian apologetics, and near-death experiences (NDEs), I was mainly interested in politics and a future in law enforcement.

A couple of years ago, I started inquiring more and more about the Christian faith, the Spirit of Scripture, and NDEs. I’ve realized the more I’ve prayed and read His Word, the more my heart has been inclining towards God’s Heart, and through this He has shown me what really matters through His eyes.

I say this because ever since middle school, becoming an FBI Special Agent was an absolute dream of mine. But recently, I’ve really started to question the reasons I wanted to join the Bureau. I wanted to wear a badge, carry a gun and most of all, uphold justice. I hate it when people abuse and corrupt the law, other people, or the earnings of people and businesses.

That’s a noble dream and goal, but God has gradually shown me His Heart and the three things that really endure to the end… faith, hope, and love—the latter being the greatest! With that being said, I now just want to raise a family with a Godly wife and serve the Lord wherever He leads me.

Now that you know a little about me, here’s what to expect from this blog: life lessons from Biblical stories, the coherence of Christianity and why it’s crucial to society and mankind’s salvation, and God’s Kingdom in NDEs. I may add other topics and sections as time goes on.

Thanks for reading!