My struggle with OCD has been very difficult, and many rituals and habits have evolved and formed from it. At first, my process of overcoming OCD was a simple matter of trying to cope with it so that I was able to function in life. But this was not unlike trying to plug up the cracks in a dam, where water just keeps finding new places to break through.
That said, this doesn’t mean that I haven’t had some permanent success fighting it. One early example of my success was in my speech, where I was compelled to repeat specific words or sentences in reverse, just under my breath. Imagine having the compulsion to repeat everything you just said under your breath!
Sound exhausting? It was. That’s why, one day, I was so overwhelmed with it I quite simply just starting talking without repetition. As you can imagine it was a massive relief—not just on my mind but on my vocal cords as well! This begs the question as to why I can’t do the same with my other rituals and habits. What I realize is that while they are tiring, I am able to still function without being entirely overwhelmed. Since they are still tolerable, I find that I’m not as motivated by discomfort as I was with the speech repetitions and reversals.
Recently, I’ve made more progress on one of my oldest and most common problems through faith in God. As you might have read in my first post, one of the difficulties I have is picking up basic objects (pens, eating utensils, etc). What was really hard about that was my mind would go down one rabbit hole after another of unpleasant thoughts until I consciously broke the loop.
About a week or two ago, I was doing IT work in a bus on the bus lot. I was trying to pick up a pen and was about to get stuck in the rabbit hole again when I felt God’s still small voice say (not audibly) alongside the rabbit hole, “Do you trust that I am with you and in control?”
He then showed me (in my heart) how to respond in faith, by picking up the pen and my equipment without hesitation and continuing on. I did so, and I have continued to remember this and use it when I get stuck in similar situations!
All Glory to Him in the Highest!
Photo Credit: Ju On @juon via Unsplash
Mind@Work 